Strippers are stupid, that’s no secret. No matter how many times someone tries to break the stereotype, us quasi-normal/intelligent strippers will always be overpowered by the crackheaded ones. The girls I get along with most are definitely not crackheads, but together, we are by no means geniuses – especially when drinking. But really, who IS a genius while inebriated? Over the past couple weeks, I have been collecting quotes by a few of my favorite strippers and myself. Most of them are just plain stupid and will only be funny to us. This is my holding place for our most retarded/amazing exchanges.
Carmen (referring to pimped out car parked across the street): I need a strap-on so I can fuck it in the exhaust pipe!
Paris (me): I would suck a lot of dick for a Bentley.
Amor (who is 5′0″, 85 lbs. and ready to kill a bitch): I will bite that bitches ankles!
Holly (overly excited, referring to the clementine oranges Tori is holding): Oh my god! Are those baby pumpkins?!
Holly (reading the menu for Key’s Cafe): What’s a taco salad? Is it just like, a salad with tacos on it?
Holly (trying to tell us the story of how she set her garlic bread on fire in the oven): You know when you make spaghetti and you have those little bread things?
Paris (referring to Carmen’s 28-year-old, always on his period, boyfriend): Matt has sand in his vagina 24/7.
Carmen: Dude, that shit has turned to cement by now.
Amor (as she is driving drunk, with an open bottle within reach, and I tell her to whip a U-turn): No! That’s illegal!
Paris: I might be going to a tattoo convention in Paris at the end of the summer. Man, but a trip to France would be so expensive.
Amor: France?! I thought you were going to Paris?!
Paris: I need a vacation. I either want to go to California, Vegas or Arizona.
Amor (who obviously needs to learn geography): Vegas is in Arizona.
Amor (to a black dude at the bar who is hitting on her): I’ll slap the black out of you!
Paris (after setting down my drink that is way too strong): Ugh, I can’t drink this.
Amor: Drink it like you’re pissed!
TO BE CONTINUED …
Posted by Scurvette 
